Self-Development and Being True: Living What We Believe

Being true to oneself and others is a great quality for self-development. Often we believe in something but do not have the willpower or the skills to implement it or to live it. We can talk the talk but cannot seem to walk the walk. This can be especially true for people living with mental health conditions, and for self-development in general.

What is stopping us from living what we believe?

The Gap Between Belief and Action

Allah asks, "O you who believe, why do you say what you do not do? It is greatly hateful in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do" (Qur'an 61:2-3). But the gap between belief and action is not always laziness or hypocrisy. Sometimes it comes from real limitations. Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (Qur'an 2:286), so the answer is to build the capacity, not to give up.

Stop, Reflect, and Solve

We need to stop and reflect on what is stopping us from being true to ourselves. When we identify the issues, we need to solve them. Many issues are complicated and take time to resolve. We can seek support and professional assistance in helping us resolve complex issues which seem unresolvable. The Prophet (SAW) said that Allah has not sent down a disease except that He also sent down its cure (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678), and that we should seek help from Allah and not give up (Sahih Muslim 2664).

Working Toward Our Dreams

If we have dreams, then we should be able to work toward them in a constructive and positive way, with a good, practical strategy. The fact that something is stopping us should not cause us to give up and not try to recover from our condition. We need to develop the skills and abilities that will allow us to overcome our limitations, so that we can live what we believe.

Being True to Others

When we are true to ourselves, we can be true to others, including in our commitments, for without being honest with ourselves we cannot be honest with others. Allah tells us to fulfill our commitments, for we will be asked about them (Qur'an 17:34), and to be with the truthful (Qur'an 9:119). The Prophet (SAW) taught that truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise (Sahih al-Bukhari 6094; Sahih Muslim 2607).

For those who discourage us from achieving our dreams, we should have the resolve to ignore them as minor distractions. The Qur'an describes the servants of the Most Merciful as those who, when the ignorant address them, say words of peace (Qur'an 25:63). We focus on achieving our God-inspired dreams, so that we can live practically what we really believe in.

Self-Development and Family Relations: Playing the Cards We Are Dealt

We do not choose the family into which we are born. In a time when families are being broken and are highly unstable, being born into a family, however unstable it is, is a blessing. There are many who do not know who their fathers are, and some who do not even know who their mothers are.

Whatever family we were given, how do we turn it into a source of growth?

Playing Our Cards Without Complaining

Whatever "cards we are dealt" in terms of family, we need to play them the best way we can, without complaining. Someone may be born with understanding parents and siblings, yet become complacent because of all the family support, and not grow. Then there are orphans who go on to achieve the most in life. The example of excellence is that of Prophet Muhammad (SAW), who had neither father nor mother. Allah reminded him: "Did He not find you an orphan and give you refuge?" (Qur'an 93:6).

Setting Boundaries Without Breaking Ties

For difficult relations, it is important to set boundaries and develop an understanding with family members, to protect ourselves from harm. Toxic family members can inflict the most harm on us because they know us so intimately. The Qur'an gives a model even for the hardest case, that of parents who push a child toward wrongdoing: do not obey them in that, but "accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness" (Qur'an 31:15).

Nevertheless, it is almost never recommended to break family ties, because we learn so much about ourselves and about life just by being part of the family. Allah tells us to be mindful of Him and of the ties of kinship (Qur'an 4:1), and the Prophet (SAW) warned that the one who severs the ties of kinship will not enter Paradise (Sahih al-Bukhari 5984; Sahih Muslim 2556). Even if they cut off relations with us, it is important that we maintain the ties, even if the boundaries are very strict. The Prophet (SAW) said, "The one who maintains ties is not the one who merely reciprocates, but the one who maintains them when they are cut off" (Sahih al-Bukhari 5991). A man once told him that he keeps ties with relatives who cut him off, and the Prophet (SAW) assured him that Allah would keep supporting him as long as he continued (Sahih Muslim 2558).

Keeping Ties in Difficult Cases

In extreme cases, one might visit them, or talk or text once in a while, and at the very least greet them with a good greeting. For others where interaction may become very difficult indeed, just being in their presence once in a while might be enough to maintain the ties of kinship.

Family Helps or Hinders, and We Still Grow

We do not choose our family members. They can help us develop, or they can retard our growth. We need to take care of ourselves first, while fulfilling family duties and obligations, with boundaries if necessary, for optimal self-development. The Prophet (SAW) confirmed that our own self has a right over us, just as our Lord and our family do, and that we should give each its due (Sahih al-Bukhari 1968).

Self-Development and Tolerance: Thriving in the Global Village

 We live in a different world from our ancestors. The planet is more populated and interconnected than ever before. Never has mankind been so close together in interdependence and cooperation as it is now, and it will continue to become more interconnected, in sha Allah. This world is often described as a "Global Village," a phrase popularized by the media theorist Marshall McLuhan, where everyone shares their unique culture and background and lives side by side in synergy.

If we are all neighbors in one village, how do we grow together instead of pulling each other apart?

A Village Called Global Village

The term "Global Village" reminds me of a place of the same name in Dubai, UAE, which was established in the late 1990s and continues to this day. I believe it is a celebration of different cultures and national identities, with the songs, food, dance, theatre, handicrafts, dress, and more of countries from around the world, all sharing the same space, with a different pavilion for each nation. Indeed, the UAE celebrates "tolerance" as one of its core values as a nation. Allah tells us that He made us into peoples and tribes so that we may know one another (Qur'an 49:13), and that the diversity of our languages and colors is one of His signs (Qur'an 30:22).

Tolerance Grows with Practice

Tolerance takes time to practice. But a child growing up in a multicultural environment, in a multicultural school, a multicultural neighborhood, and so on, will naturally develop tolerance. As the world becomes more and more tight-knit, in the future this will be the norm rather than the exception, in sha Allah. The Prophet (SAW) said that Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters (Sahih al-Bukhari 6024; Sahih Muslim 2165). He also said that whoever does not show mercy to people, Allah will not show mercy to him (Sahih al-Bukhari 7376; Sahih Muslim 2319).

Valuing Others as We Develop

As we develop ourselves, we need to value others of different backgrounds and learn from them as they learn from us, and use this synergy to thrive together in our self-development. A person might have a different belief or cultural background from ours, but we are all human beings sharing the same challenges of living together in this world. Allah does not forbid us from being kind and just toward those who do not fight us over our faith (Qur'an 60:8), and He tells us to cooperate in goodness and righteousness (Qur'an 5:2).

Rejecting Bad Characteristics, Not People

We do not hate. We are not intolerant of others. But we detest bad characteristics in ourselves and others. That does not mean we hate ourselves or others. It means we work wisely to get rid of bad characteristics wherever they may be. The Prophet Lut (AS) gave the model when he said to his people, "I am, of your deed, among those who detest it" (Qur'an 26:168): the deed was disliked, not the person. The Prophet (SAW) taught us to follow a bad deed with a good deed to wipe it out, and to treat people with good character (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1987). Allah also tells us to call to His way with wisdom and good instruction (Qur'an 16:125).

Self-Development and Living Day by Day: Getting Today Right

When we develop ourselves with God-inspired goals, we have long-term, medium-term, and short-term goals, so we know what we are doing on a daily basis. We have a daily routine based on these goals for the present, and our day is structured. As we take more and more responsibility for our natural, incremental, balanced growth, we increase our daily tasks, which are based on our God-inspired goals, in both quantity and quality.

What if the secret of long-term success is simply getting one day right?

Breaking Development Down to One Day

We break our development down to just one day, and we live that day with full presence and mindfulness. All we need to do is get this one day right, and we are all set for success. If we can do this every day, we create a silent avalanche for success. Just as an avalanche begins with falling snow, one well-lived day after another adds up to something far larger than any of them.

Guarding This One Day

It is important to guard this one day. This one day is all we have. The Prophet (SAW) advised: "When you reach the evening, do not wait for the morning, and when you reach the morning, do not wait for the evening" (Sahih al-Bukhari 6416). He also said that whoever wakes up safe in his body, secure among his people, and with his food for the day, it is as if the whole world has been gathered for him (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 2346).

Neither Sad About the Past nor Anxious About the Future

We do not have to be sad about the past, nor anxious about the future. The past has gone, and we cannot do anything about it, except to learn from it and to seek forgiveness from a Lord who forgives all mistakes. The Prophet (SAW) said that all the children of Adam make mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 2499).

The future has not come yet, so we cannot lose sleep over it. We cannot even know that we will reach it: "No soul knows what it will earn tomorrow, and no soul knows in what land it will die" (Qur'an 31:34). This requires trust in Allah (Tawakkul) that whatever He does will be the best for us when it does happen. Allah tells us that whoever relies on Him, He is sufficient for them (Qur'an 65:3). Meanwhile, we focus on living this day the best we can, which is already planned to take care of our short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals. The Prophet (SAW) used to seek refuge in Allah from worry and grief (Sahih al-Bukhari 6369), the two burdens of the future and the past.

Living Today Fully

Let no influence stop us from living today fully, with full focus and motivation to get it right. Let nobody weigh us down over our past by reminding us of our mistakes. Let nobody induce undue anxiety about the future, as it is in the hands of our Creator, who will execute it to be the best for us.

With this knowledge, we live today fully, and we do this every day to keep growing and developing naturally.

Recognizing God in Self-Development: Who Is the One Who Inspires Us?

We have talked about self-development and being naturally inspired by Allah, who inspires all of this desire for growth and evolution. But who is God?

The Universal Tendency to Worship

Every traditional culture has had a concept of God. Even those who reject God often end up devoting themselves to something else, whether wealth, ego, or fame. So every human has a tendency to worship something or someone. This is an inborn trait. In the Islamic paradigm, it was instilled in all the children of Adam by Allah before their creation, when He asked, "Am I not your Lord?" and they said, "Yes, we testify" (Qur'an 7:172). This is the fitrah, the natural disposition upon which Allah created people (Qur'an 30:30). The Qur'an also warns about the one who takes his own desire as his god (Qur'an 45:23).

One Concept, Many Names

Every traditional culture has a concept of a Great God: a Creator, a Sustainer, and a Master who guides all creation, whether it is Zeus of the Greek gods, Brahman of the Hindus, or the Father of the Christian faith. The Qur'an tells us that a messenger was sent to every nation (Qur'an 16:36). Some ways of life, like Confucianism and Buddhism, do not put an emphasis on God and are more a code of living. Still, even they carry a sense of the sacred and of a higher moral order.

Allah: "The God"

In Arabic, the word for god with a small "g" is ilah. When an Arab talks about God Almighty, they call Him Allah, from Al-Ilah, which means "The God." This is true whether the Arab is a Muslim, Christian, or Jew. Allah is thus the Arabic name for the One God Almighty, the One the Bible calls the Alpha and the Omega and the Qur'an calls the First and the Last (Qur'an 57:3). He is the All-Powerful and the Lord of the Worlds (Qur'an 1:2), the Regulator of the universe.

Seeking His Inspiration

Thus, for self-development, we need to seek inspiration from Him, whatever we call Him in our language, whether Allah or some other name. Allah says, "Call upon Allah or call upon the Most Merciful. Whichever you call, to Him belong the best names" (Qur'an 17:110). We then develop our goals and pursue them with His help: "You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help" (Qur'an 1:5).

Self-Development and Independence: Keeping the Mind Free

To develop properly in a natural manner, it is important for a person to be independent. Independence is vital for natural growth, because growth should be the result of God-inspired goals inspiring our development. The mind should be free of all influences other than that of Allah. A person should try to associate with people whose influence will positively lead them toward their God-inspired goals. Allah reminds us not to pursue what we have no knowledge of, since we will be questioned about our hearing, sight, and heart (Qur'an 17:36).

How do we stay independent in our thinking while still benefiting from the expertise of others?

When Treatment Helps and When It Can Hold Us Back

Modern medicine, including psychiatric medicine, can bring the mind under the influence of others, especially those who prescribe and treat. In some cases such medicines are vital for the safety of the individual and the members of their community. The Prophet (SAW) encouraged seeking treatment, saying that Allah has not sent down a disease except that He also sent down its cure (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678).

But when medicines are not needed, and a person is diagnosed improperly, as can happen with psychiatric diagnoses, their development may be compromised. They cannot be the best version of themselves. Instead, they may become a person shaped by the worldview of the treating psychiatrist.

No One Is a Lord Over Another

Psychiatrists are human beings, and like all of us they are vulnerable to ego, bias, insecurity, and even jealousy. When a practitioner does not carefully follow the ethics of the profession, the treatment can become a matter of controlling the patient and tailoring their life as if the practitioner were in charge. The Qur'an tells us not to take one another as lords besides Allah (Qur'an 3:64).

This may show up in the way a practitioner speaks. They may compare themselves with the person in their care, or describe that person's achievements in a way that reveals their own insecurity, when there is no need for comparison. A patient can notice this, and can ask questions, request a second opinion, and take part in decisions about their own care.

Growing Naturally

So a person who does not have a real mental illness should be careful about medication that may not be needed, and should seek a second opinion if in doubt. Otherwise, the system can find a problem for every solution, and we lose our chance to keep developing naturally.

Self-Development and Friendships: The Mirror and the Company We Keep

One of the ways to get feedback for our self-development is through good friends. A friend can be a mirror that shows us our defects or blemishes so we can work on them. The Prophet (SAW) said, "The believer is the mirror of his brother" (Sunan Abi Dawud 4918). We need people around us to make us realize more about ourselves than we might otherwise discover. A person is said to be a "social animal" and thus cannot survive by themselves.

If our friends shape who we become, how carefully are we choosing them?

The Circles of People in Our Lives

We meet all types of people throughout our journey of life. Our closest are our immediate family members: our parents, grandparents, siblings, and the extended family. They know us best. Then come family friends, childhood friends, classmates, colleagues, and so on. A person should have good relations with all of them. Allah tells us that He made us into peoples and tribes so that we may know one another (Qur'an 49:13).

Kindness Toward All Acquaintances

Acquaintances can be anyone one meets in the journey of life: neighbors, travel companions, people we do business with, and so on. All such people have basic rights to our kindness and good treatment. The Prophet (SAW) said that Jibril (AS) kept advising him about the neighbor until he thought the neighbor would be made an heir (Sahih al-Bukhari 6014; Sahih Muslim 2624). Allah also instructs us to speak good words to people (Qur'an 2:83).

Choosing Our Closest Friends Carefully

Nevertheless, we should be very careful about whom we treat as our closest friends, especially those who are our protecting friends (Awliya), who guard our interests. They have a lot of influence on our development. Such close friends should be selected with a lot of care and consideration, because a person is on the way of life of their protecting friends. The Prophet (SAW) said, "A person is upon the way of his close friend, so let each of you look at whom he befriends" (Sunan Abi Dawud 4833; Jami' at-Tirmidhi 2378).

He (SAW) also compared a good companion to a seller of musk, and a bad one to a blacksmith. With the musk seller, we either receive a gift, buy some, or at least enjoy the fragrance, while the blacksmith may burn our clothes or leave us with a bad smell (Sahih al-Bukhari 2101; Sahih Muslim 2628).

In making the choice of close friends, we need to ensure that the friends will not take us away from our God-inspired goals, but will help us reach them and reinforce our own paradigm of reality. Allah reminds us that on the Day of Judgment, close friends will be enemies to one another, except for the righteous (Qur'an 43:67).

Friendship is thus a very important element of self-development, and we should be very careful in practicing it.

Don't Lose the Spark for Self-Development

 When we are born, we are full of wonder and awe for the world we have entered. We are excited by a life full of potential and possibilities. A baby wakes up every day with energy and enthusiasm for a new day. The Prophet (SAW) taught that every child is born upon the natural disposition (fitrah) (Sahih al-Bukhari 1385; Sahih Muslim 2658). But as we grow old, this spark is often diminished, and if we are not careful, it might be fully extinguished and be very hard to reignite.

How do we keep, or regain, the spark that makes life feel alive?

The Spark Called Eemaan

That spark for life is what is called in Islamic terminology Eemaan (faith), and it is generally known to us as joie de vivre. With it, living life seems easy and pleasurable. Allah promises that whoever does righteous deeds while being a believer, He will give a good life, and reward them with their best (Qur'an 16:97). Those who know how to live in such a state experience bliss in this life and the next. Their faces are not gloomy, and their outlook is positive. They have a purpose to their life and a spring in every step.

Why the Spark Fades

As we grow older, this natural energy tends to decrease if we are not careful. Making "mistakes" or "sins" causes this energy to decrease, especially after puberty, as we become responsible for our actions and accountable for them (Sunan Abi Dawud 4403). The Prophet (SAW) described how a sin leaves a black spot on the heart, which is polished clean when the person stops, seeks forgiveness, and repents (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3334). This is a description of how it fades, and also of how it returns. Allah tells us never to despair of His mercy (Qur'an 39:53).

Reigniting the Spark

If we know how to live, and how to recover this energy naturally, it is possible to regain the spark and make it grow. This spark of life can be reignited by living naturally, with purpose and direction, and with good, comprehensive goals in the different aspects of our life: physical, spiritual, social, emotional, mental, financial, and so on.

We should wake up every day to be "pulled" by our goals, which give us butterflies in our stomach. Such goals should be "God-inspired," to fulfill the purpose of our creation. When we grow every day to achieve such short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals in an incremental, gradual manner, every day we control this energy and can make it grow. It gives us a good feeling of gratefulness and the natural pleasure that comes from achieving something every day.

Why We Matter: Discovering the Blueprint Allah Wrote for Us

 In the process of self-development, it is important to have good self-esteem, but not arrogance or ego issues. The Prophet (SAW) warned that no one with even an atom's weight of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise (Sahih Muslim 91). So it is important to know why we matter.

Why are you and I important? What makes us significant enough to be given this life, and what is our responsibility to live up to that significance, if any?

Created with Purpose

We, all the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve (AS), have been created as the best of Allah's creation. Allah says, "We have certainly honored the children of Adam" (Qur'an 17:70). We all have important roles to play in this life. We were not created in play, just because Allah was bored, Allah forbid, for He does not need a pastime like we humans do (Qur'an 21:16; 23:115). This honor is a gift, not something we earned, which is exactly why it keeps our self-esteem free of ego.

The Height of Heights and the Lowest of Lows

He created us to be His representative (Khalifah) on Earth (Qur'an 2:30), with the possibility to rise to the greatest height any creation can attain as Allah's vicegerent. Allah honored Adam (AS) by teaching him the names and commanding the angels to prostrate to him (Qur'an 2:31-34).

Yet we also have the capability to debase ourselves to the lowest of lows, to become lower than animals in our thoughts and behavior. Allah says He created the human being in the best of stature, then reduced him to the lowest of the low, except those who believe and do righteous deeds (Qur'an 95:4-6). The Qur'an also describes those who ignore the truth as being like cattle, or even more astray (Qur'an 7:179).

So this life is there for us to fulfill the purpose for which Allah created us: to be higher than the angels in status by doing "godly" things on Earth.

Our Unique Blueprint

Each one of us has a God-inspired blueprint of success, of what we are supposed to do, and we need to discover it. The Prophet (SAW) said that people are like mines of gold and silver (Sahih al-Bukhari 3383; Sahih Muslim 2638), each carrying different potential.

Allah did not leave such choices to the flowers that have to bloom, or to the bees that have to produce honey, or to the meteors that have to shoot across the sky. Even the bee acts on what its Lord inspired it to do (Qur'an 16:68). Rather, He gave us the choice to discover and implement the plan that Allah has for us. The Qur'an tells us that the heavens, the earth, and the mountains declined to carry the trust, but the human being accepted it (Qur'an 33:72).

Each of us has a unique plan we need to discover and live in this life, to be the best that Allah intended us to be.

Will we rise to the heights Allah intended for us, or will we sink to the lowest of the low if we do not put in the effort?

The Right Mindset for Self-Development: Positive, Balanced, and Focused

A key element of natural self-development is the right mindset. Many sports people win not necessarily because of a better physique, but because of a better attitude. Preparing ourselves psychologically for success is therefore vital for growth.

How do we build a mindset that carries us toward our goals instead of holding us back?

Two Factors to Consider

When developing the right mindset, two important factors need to be considered.

1. Adopt positive attitudes, emotions, and feelings. Generally, we should choose the positive ones to go with a positive mindset.
2. Avoid extremes. We should not go to any extreme with respect to these emotions and feelings. We should maintain balance. This is the middle path that Allah describes when He calls this Ummah a community of balance (Ummatan Wasata) (Qur'an 2:143).

Happy, but Balanced

For example, we should be happy rather than sad, because being happy is being positive. But too much happiness can lead to exhilaration, and unchecked highs are often followed by crashes. Extreme swings in mood can leave us unstable. For people living with bipolar disorder, these swings are a medical condition that calls for professional care, not just a change of attitude. For the rest of us, the lesson still applies: balance is needed in the happiness we adopt. The Prophet (SAW) taught, "Moderation, moderation, and you will reach your goal" (Sahih al-Bukhari 6463).

Programming the Mind and Heart

Just like programming a computer, we can program our minds and hearts to hold balanced, positive emotions. We can always have hope and good expectations of Allah, who says, in a hadith Qudsi, "I am as My servant thinks of Me" (Sahih al-Bukhari 7405; Sahih Muslim 2675). At the same time, we stay wary and careful about not making mistakes. The Qur'an describes the righteous as those who call upon their Lord in fear and hope (Qur'an 32:16). We are driven by good expectation as well as caution.

Focus: Holding the Reins

For the right mindset, we also need God-inspired goals and plans for our self-development, because the mind needs to focus on positive outcomes. Without focus, the mind wanders and may start thinking about useless things, like a horse that is not controlled and gallops all over the land.

We need to exert control over our minds so that we have the right, balanced, positive feelings and emotions directed toward our goals. That will lead to the right behavior, in sha Allah.

Self-Development and Gratitude: The Medicine That Costs Nothing

Gratitude is a medicine by itself. When we become grateful, we become at peace with ourselves and our environment. It is the natural state for a human being to be in.

What if the healing we keep searching for is already in our hands?

The Healing Power of Gratitude

Many people struggling with their mental health can benefit from practicing gratitude every day, alongside professional care. If we count our blessings every night before sleeping, our sleep can become much sounder and deeper. Gratitude journaling is a real practice, and research suggests it helps us mentally and spiritually. Just listing 5-10 things to be grateful for each day can turn us from being negative to being positive.

Everyone Has Something to Be Grateful For

Everyone has reasons to be grateful. Even a person who feels they have nothing is still alive, and should be grateful that they are still breathing. Allah reminds us that if we tried to count His favors, we could not enumerate them (Qur'an 16:18).

This changes whom we look to as role models. We should look up to those who are ahead of us in self-development, so that we can learn from them. We should also spend time with people who have little materially, yet are grateful for what they have, and learn gratitude from them. The Prophet (SAW) advised us to look at those who have less than us, not at those who have more, since this makes us less likely to belittle Allah's favors upon us (Sahih Muslim 2963). Rather than looking up to people with a lot of wealth but no gratitude, remember the saying: some people are so poor that all they have is money.

Gratitude Is a Treasure

When we count our blessings, Allah gives us more to be grateful for. He says in the Qur'an: "If you are grateful, I will surely increase you" (Qur'an 14:7). Gratitude is a treasure, if only we learn to cultivate it. It gives us contentment on our journey of self-development, something wealthy people may lack and may spend enormous amounts of money trying to acquire.

It costs nothing to be grateful, yet it enriches us in so many ways, as we grow every day to be better than we were yesterday.

Not Complaining: A Key to Self-Development

One of the keys to natural self-development is not complaining to people. The more we complain, the more things we find to complain about. This is a natural law. We all know people, and sometimes we are those people, who are always cranky and complaining, and nothing really good seems to happen to them.

Is it possible that our complaints are shaping the very things we complain about?

Finding the Positive in Every Situation

No matter what happens, we need to find an aspect of positivity in it and focus on it completely, so that the situation becomes favorable to us again. The Prophet (SAW) described this outlook: "How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of his affairs are good" (Sahih Muslim 2999). Allah also reminds us that we may dislike something that is good for us (Qur'an 2:216).

Not complaining does not mean we become complacent, or that we stop letting people know what we want assertively. It means we are not displeased with the fate Allah sends our way.

Striving, Then Leaving the Results to Allah

We try our utmost to better our condition. We strategize flawlessly and put in the hard work, but we leave the results to Allah, and we stay positive no matter what the outcome is. The Prophet (SAW) taught: "Strive for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not give up. If something befalls you, do not say 'If only I had done such and such,' but say: 'Allah decreed, and what He willed, He did'" (Sahih Muslim 2664). This is Tawakkul (reliance on Allah).

All outcomes from Allah are good, if only we can develop the wisdom to recognize what He wants us to do next. It is often a lack of understanding of the subtle ways Allah works in our lives that causes us to complain and become negative.

Negativity Spreads

When we complain and whine, we not only become negative ourselves, but we cause the whole environment around us to become negative. Just as positivity breeds positivity, negativity spreads negativity. The Prophet (SAW) taught that whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent (Sahih al-Bukhari 6018; Sahih Muslim 47).

Complaining Only to Allah

We can continue our personal journey of self-development and daily incremental growth by complaining only to Allah, not to people. Prophet Yaqub (Jacob, AS) showed us how, when he said: "I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah" (Qur'an 12:86). Allah is the One who can really do something about it. People often cannot help, and our condition might go from bad to worse, Allah forbid.

Self-Development and Patience: Playing the Long Game

Rome was not built in a day. They say that patience is a virtue, and it is recognized as one across all of humanity. In Islam, this virtue has a name: Sabr. When it comes to self-development, patience shows up as consistency.

Most of us know the pattern. For a long time we feel unmotivated. Then, once we finally become motivated to improve ourselves, we fill up with energy and want to do everything in one day. It does not work like that. Self-development takes time. In fact, it takes a lifetime.

So why are we so determined to develop ourselves overnight?

The Trap of Haste

The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said that haste is from Satan (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 2012). The Qur'an also notes that human beings are prone to hurry (Qur'an 21:37). When we are impatient, we often spoil the process of self-development and are forced to start again. For people living with bipolar disorder, a surge of energy followed by a crash can turn this into a never-ending cycle. Racing ahead does not shorten the journey. It only sends us back to the beginning.

Time: Healer or Sword?

They say that time heals all wounds. Time does have the power to heal and to solve many difficult problems, but only if we are patient and learn to use it to our advantage. This does not mean we become complacent and do nothing. Rather, we should strategize for the long term and play the long game to reach our goals.

If we do not use time properly to achieve our goals, it will come back to haunt us. The Arabs have a saying: "Time is like a sword. If you do not use it to cut, it will come back to cut you."

Learning from the Pace of Nature

A river is formed by drops of water. An avalanche begins with some falling snow, just as a landslide starts with a few falling rocks. Natural processes take time and start slowly. Leaves turn from yellow to brown over weeks. A rock is carved by blowing winds over centuries.

If nature, which obeys its Creator perfectly, moves at this pace, why should we expect to develop ourselves overnight? Allah loves those who are steadfast (Qur'an 3:146) and is with the patient (Qur'an 2:153). Consistent daily action, based on a long-term strategy, is the key to self-development, and we need patience to achieve it.

Self-Development and Self-Discipline: Training the Soul for the Long Road

Self-development takes a great deal of work, and all of it must be directed at our goals. It also requires us to be disciplined in pursuing those goals in the proper way and with the right mindset. It is not a one-day job. Rather, it requires constant daily effort over a lifetime.

Unfortunately, most people give up after a few days because of a lack of self-discipline. The daily routine becomes too much for them, and they choose to do something easier or are distracted by someone or something.

So how do we build the discipline to keep going?

Being Kind and Hard on Ourselves

When we want to develop ourselves, we need to be kind to ourselves. Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity, and growth cannot survive constant self-punishment. Yet we also need to be hard on ourselves, so that we stay in control of our ego, our desires, and our whims. We must also resist every suggestion, whether it comes from Satan (Shaytan) or from people around us, that pulls us toward something different from our God-inspired goals. The Qur'an promises Paradise to the one who feared standing before his Lord and restrained his soul from its inclinations (Qur'an 79:40–41).

Putting Our Goals on Autopilot

We need a daily schedule, a weekly schedule, and a monthly schedule to work toward our goals and develop good habits. Then we can go on "autopilot" and let our routine achieve our goals incrementally and automatically, through consistency. The Prophet (SAW) taught that the most beloved deeds to Allah are the most consistent, even if they are small (Sahih al-Bukhari 6464; Sahih Muslim 782).

Doing the same work every day can seem boring. But if our goals are truly God-inspired, we will always feel butterflies in our stomachs when we see them or restate them daily. That feeling keeps us motivated and disciplined.

Building the Discipline Muscle

Discipline can be developed through self-denial in a controlled manner. Let us enjoy the pleasures of life, but let us also deliberately deny them to ourselves at times, in order to develop the self-discipline muscle. Daily prayer at inconvenient hours, fasting (within our health and capacity), charity, community service, and other good deeds may seem hard to do. But they build discipline until the body and mind become a well-oiled machine, running under the control of our rational mind to achieve our goals. We are then no longer distracted by doubts, delusions, or negative influences.

Start small, stay consistent, and keep the goal in sight. The routine will carry us further than our mood ever could.