Not Complaining: A Key to Self-Development

One of the keys to natural self-development is not complaining to people. The more we complain, the more things we find to complain about. This is a natural law. We all know people, and sometimes we are those people, who are always cranky and complaining, and nothing really good seems to happen to them.

Is it possible that our complaints are shaping the very things we complain about?

Finding the Positive in Every Situation

No matter what happens, we need to find an aspect of positivity in it and focus on it completely, so that the situation becomes favorable to us again. The Prophet (SAW) described this outlook: "How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of his affairs are good" (Sahih Muslim 2999). Allah also reminds us that we may dislike something that is good for us (Qur'an 2:216).

Not complaining does not mean we become complacent, or that we stop letting people know what we want assertively. It means we are not displeased with the fate Allah sends our way.

Striving, Then Leaving the Results to Allah

We try our utmost to better our condition. We strategize flawlessly and put in the hard work, but we leave the results to Allah, and we stay positive no matter what the outcome is. The Prophet (SAW) taught: "Strive for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not give up. If something befalls you, do not say 'If only I had done such and such,' but say: 'Allah decreed, and what He willed, He did'" (Sahih Muslim 2664). This is Tawakkul (reliance on Allah).

All outcomes from Allah are good, if only we can develop the wisdom to recognize what He wants us to do next. It is often a lack of understanding of the subtle ways Allah works in our lives that causes us to complain and become negative.

Negativity Spreads

When we complain and whine, we not only become negative ourselves, but we cause the whole environment around us to become negative. Just as positivity breeds positivity, negativity spreads negativity. The Prophet (SAW) taught that whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent (Sahih al-Bukhari 6018; Sahih Muslim 47).

Complaining Only to Allah

We can continue our personal journey of self-development and daily incremental growth by complaining only to Allah, not to people. Prophet Yaqub (Jacob, AS) showed us how, when he said: "I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah" (Qur'an 12:86). Allah is the One who can really do something about it. People often cannot help, and our condition might go from bad to worse, Allah forbid.