Pausing in the Storm: A Faith-Inspired DBT Guide to Pros and Cons in Crisis Planning

 

In Islamic tradition, we are taught the virtue of Sabr (patience and restraint) during moments of severe trial. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) reminded us that true strength is not shown by overpowering others in anger, but by controlling oneself when provoked.

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Crisis Survival Skills provide a structured way to practice this restraint. When painful events, intense urges, and overwhelming emotions strike, we often feel compelled to act immediately. Using the Pros and Cons skill allows us to pause, look beyond temporary relief, and choose actions that protect our long-term values and dignity.

What Defines a Crisis?

In DBT, a crisis occurs when a situation meets three criteria:

• It is highly stressful.
  
  
• It is short-term (it will not last forever).
  
  
• It creates intense pressure to resolve the issue right away.
  
  

An urge becomes a crisis urge when it is exceptionally strong and when acting on it will make things worse in the long run.

When to Use Crisis Survival Skills

Crisis survival skills (such as the STOP skill, Pros and Cons, TIP your body chemistry, ACCEPTS, Self-Sustaining through the five senses, and Improving the Moment) are specifically designed for high-distress scenarios:

1. You feel intense pain that cannot be resolved quickly.
   
   
2. You have a strong urge to react emotionally, but doing so will escalate the damage.
   
   
3. Emotion mind threatens to overwhelm your ability to stay skillful.
   
   
4. Demands must be met while you are feeling entirely overwhelmed.
   
   
5. Emotional arousal is extreme, yet the underlying problem cannot be solved immediately.
   
   

When NOT to Use Them

Crisis survival skills are temporary stabilization tools. Do not use them for everyday minor inconveniences, for attempting to solve all your long-term life problems at once, or as a replacement for actively building a life worth living.

Story: Hamza’s Heated Moment

Consider Hamza, who got into a heated disagreement with a close family member during a tense gathering. Emotion mind surged: his heart hammered, and he felt a powerful crisis urge to yell, slam doors, and sever family ties on the spot.

In the past, acting on such impulsive urges provided a few seconds of release (a short-term "pro"), but resulted in deep regret, ruined relationships, and severe long-term consequences (long-term "cons").

This time, Hamza remembered his Pros and Cons grid. He took a step back to review the grid in his mind:

┌──────────────────────────────────┬──────────────────────────────────┐
│               PROS               │               CONS               │
├──────────────────────────────────┼──────────────────────────────────┤
│ Acting on Crisis Urges           │ Acting on Crisis Urges           │
│ • Immediate emotional release    │ • Escalates arguments severely   │
│ • Feels like "winning" short-term│ • Causes long-term regret & guilt│
│ • Expresses raw frustration      │ • Damages family relationships   │
├──────────────────────────────────┼──────────────────────────────────┤
│ Resisting Crisis Urges           │ Resisting Crisis Urges           │
│ • Maintains personal dignity     │ • Feels uncomfortable right now  │
│ • Keeps the peace & avoids regret│ • Requires fighting strong urges │
│ • Prevents long-term fallout     │ • Requires sitting with distress │
└──────────────────────────────────┴──────────────────────────────────┘

By contrasting the brief relief of giving in against the enduring peace of remaining patient, Hamza asked himself the Wise Mind question: "Do I want a good few seconds right now, or a good life in the long run?"

He chose to resist the urge, stepped out of the room to cool down, and preserved both his self-respect and his family connection.

How to Practice the Pros and Cons Skill

To make this skill work effectively when emotion mind strikes, preparation is key:

1. Build Your Grid Before the Crisis Hits

Do not wait for a full-blown crisis to write down your options. On a calm day, write down a four-quadrant matrix:

• Pros of acting on impulsive urges (giving in, giving up, avoiding).
  
  
• Cons of acting on impulsive urges (the damage, regret, and long-term costs).
  
  
• Pros of resisting impulsive urges (building strength, maintaining dignity, keeping long-term goals).
  
  
• Cons of resisting impulsive urges (the temporary discomfort of sitting with pain).
  
  

Carry this list on your phone or in a notebook so it is readily accessible.

2. Review Your Grid When the Crisis Hits

When an overwhelming urge strikes:

• Pull out your written list and read it repeatedly.
  
  
• Vividly picture the positive consequences of resisting the urge.
  
  
• Vividly recall the negative consequences of past times you gave in to crisis behaviors.
  
  
• Distinguish between short-term relief (just for today) and long-term outcomes (beyond today).
  
  

Summary

• Crisis Defined: A crisis is a highly stressful, short-term situation that creates intense pressure to react immediately. Crisis survival skills are designed to prevent you from making a bad situation worse when problems cannot be fixed right away.
  
  
• The Four-Quadrant Grid: Evaluating the Pros and Cons of both acting on and resisting impulsive urges helps break the grip of emotion mind.
  
  
• Preparation is Vital: Complete your Pros and Cons grid before an emergency occurs, carry it with you, and review it during moments of high distress to choose your long-term well-being over temporary relief.